Occupy Anything?

When the Occupy movement started in New York this summer, I was actually moved & impressed. I was amped when the protests showed up in cities like Chicago, San Francisco, Toronto and my beloved, Boston. I’ll be honest, I considered volunteering at Boston. I figured, they’re doing the dirty work. So if there was anyway I could help out – I wanted to.

Want To Raise Money For Some Great Causes With The Boston Bruins?

In the beginning of 2010, Norwood High School student, Matt Brown, broke his neck after being checked into the boards during a hockey game. I’m sure a lot of you out there are familiar with the story and have been following Matt’s progress since that life changing accident.

On September 24th, The Matt Brown Foundation will be holding their 2nd Annual Matt Brown Gala and this year’s event will be even bigger than the first! This year’s gala will be held at TD Garden and will be raising money for the The Matt Brown Foundation, The Boston Bruins Foundation and for Journey Forward.

There will be live & silent auctions and of course members of The Boston Bruins! If you’re interested in attending, click HERE to purchase tickets. They’re expecting a large turn out – so what are you waiting for? I’m going to be there, the Bruins are going to be there – so what’s the hold up? Ya Turkey!

College Prep with Cameron

I got a phone call last week, one of my cousins just graduated from high school and she’ll be leaving for college soon. I have close to 40 cousins – I’m the only one who’s graduated from college(so far). So my aunt wants me to talk to her and instill some of the lessons learned during my four years at Pine Mattress.

I figured by having a chat with the lass, this would be my good deed for the day and Lord knows I need all the help I can get. I mean, she’s a good kid and far more sheltered than I ever was. But considering how I was at her age, I get why her family has her on a very short leash and honestly, I wish I had someone to set me straight before I left for school. So Maisey, this one’s for you!

1. A Two Day School Weeks Are Never A Good Idea: In theory it’s perfect. Extra long weekends & more time to spend on your work. I had two semesters like this and they were miserable. One of them being the final semester of my senior year. I ended up getting pneumonia a month & a half before graduation. Luckily I had understanding professors. So spread your classes out.

2. Serve Your Own Beer A Frat Parties: When it came to keg parties, I was very D.I.Y.. But I did it for health reasons. See one of the frats we use to go to, the ‘bartenders’ use to relieve themselves in between  serving their customers drinks. Now, normally I would be cool with it – well, as long as they washed their hands. But these lad didn’t. Oh & their piss trough was next to the keg. So unless you want your beer to have the bitter, lemony taste of urine – I’d watch who’s serving you.

3. “I swear, I’ll pull out!”: Lord knows I’ve fallen for that line more times than I want to admit to. Waiting to get your period after this has happened isn’t fun and oddly enough, they tend to stop giving you the morning after pill after two or three dozen times. Not that I would know…… So yeah, use a condom or embrace the blow job.

4. Ask for help: I know your professors can come off like know-it-all dick bags, but there’s a reason why and that’s what their paid for. So make’em earn their paychecks.

5. Speak up for yourself: Say your final is writing a script and you & classmates bust your asses working on your scripts, only to find out one jackass decided to turn in an episode of ‘Sweet Valley High’. I know being a tattletale isn’t cool – but do the right thing.

And let’s say you go out with a guy and he gets grabby and you’re not feeling it. It’s ok to say ‘Hey asshole, please stop or I’ll stab you in your thorax.’ I didn’t and I wish I did. It’s not the best thing to live with and I’m sure I could have saved money on therapy bills if I punch the asshole and I wouldn’t probably wouldn’t have eaten so much afterwards. Explains a lot, huh? But it ended up making me into the person I am today. So that’s a plus? What doesn’t kill us – makes us stronger. *fart noise*

So that’s my list so far for lil’Maisey so far. I’m taking her out to dinner this weekend and giving her a care package to open after her parents have left. She’s a good kid and hopefully smarter than I was at 18.

The more things change, the more things stay the same.

It’s been a while since I’ve written, so why not take the time and torturing you with my mildly coherent ramblings.

So life is starting to get back to normal and the job search continues. I just have to keep reminding myself it takes time and Rome wasn’t built in a day. I hate sounding like some cliche slinging douche nozzle, but facts are facts and sometimes the truth hurts. I had a conversation with my Mom and I was laughing and crying like a crazy person. We were talking about the job search & she was attempting to talk me off the ledge. I naively thought when I lost weight – it would be easier to find a good job. I just didn’t expect the economy to be in the  shitter and I didn’t also didn’t expect I’d be coming off a year of nonsense. *sigh* Such is life. What are you going to do?

I was talking to my favorite person from the West Coast last night and mentioned how I thought I changed so much this past year.  I dunno, maybe when I lost weight, I lost a part of myself. I mean, I’m still an asshole. I still laugh at & make inappropriate jokes. But the stuff that was important to me before or stuff I liked before doesn’t seem to matter. She said as long as I wasn’t a Dane Cook fan or a Republican, she approved of the new and improved me. Don’t worry, lady. I won’t be teabaggin’ anytime soon and this is the comedy I prefer.

'What do you mean George Glass isn't coming?

Even the selection of people I want in my life has changed. I love my friends and I would be lost without them. But there’s been a couple people who make me wonder – ‘Why was I friends with you in the first place?’. I second guess myself and wonder if I’m having a bad day when these thoughts roll into my head. But then I have a moment of clarity. Things change and people change. I’ve re-evaluated what’s important in the land of Frye.

But you know what? I’m happy. I can honestly say, I am happy. It’s weird, especially since my life has been a massive cluster fuck. But it’s also nice to say. Sure there’s little improvements I want to make(work, dating……I need this bag. It’s so mother fucking major.), but at the end of the day – I’m happy.

I had a friend mention  how I seemed calmer than I was before. “You’re not the ticking time bomb you use to be. You don’t sweat the stupid shit as much.”

Well, I do. But I keep it hidden. I don’t know, there’s going to be people who don’t like me and shit is obviously not going to go as planned – but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Right? It fucking better or someone is getting cut.

If finding a job doesn’t work, there’s always hooking….

So since my brain & body are back in working order. I can get a job and become a contributing member of society once again. Yay! *fart noise*

Now I know I shouldn’t get too annoyed and I’ll find something. With that said, looking for a job blows donkey balls on a humid day. I don’t mind interviewing, I can keep the real me hidden and play the game. But it’s the waiting and other bullshit that comes along with it that I have no tolerance for.

Case in point, stupid small talk. During my first interview, all the woman wanted to talk about was the weather. Now the day was nice & sunny – but weather during the weekend was rainy. So for most of the interview I had to listen to her complain about it raining during her stupid family picnic. Maybe that’s God’s way of saying you’re a piece of shit. I dunno. No, I would never say it out loud(I would) – but I thought it over and over and over again during the interview.

Last week I went on one and they pulled the ol’switcheroo! The job that was advertised was nothing like the one we talked about and the pay is what I was making while working the register at Sam Goody when I was in high school. So we called it a day and left the interview early. At least she understood why.

And oh I had another guy call me to tell me I didn’t get the job, but wanted to know if I wanted to go out on a date. So it’s been awhile since I’ve had to look for a job, but I didn’t know there were consultation prizes now. I mean, who doesn’t love a free meal? I’m not good enough to hire – but I’m good enough to have low self esteem sex with. I can’t tell if I should be honored or offended…

“You know I might be able to find you something if you helped me out.”

I talked to Sloane Peterson about it and she figures he was either a “……douchebag” or I was “oozing with sex appeal.” I may radiate hate – but oozing sex appeal? Not so much.

It’s days like this when I think I should have started that high end call girl ring. In college, after writing a business plan for starting a brothel and doing a whole presentation on why I wanted to legalize prostitution, I was corned and interrogated by the higher ups about the young ladies who were working as call girls on campus.

After seeing my wardrobe & living quarters, they knew I wasn’t the Mayflower Madame of  Chestnut Hill. Although thinking about it now, I missed out on a cashing in big time. For those of you who don’t know, I went a small all women’s college and even though there was a large lesbian population, I could have made a bundle on the dense, cute, rich daddy’s girls that went there.  Mummy & Daddy always got mad at some point and cut them off – so why not put them to work and make some cash off them?

College isn’t going to pay for itself? So why not have Caty Co-Ed help me handle the burden on my back? Three cheers for the world’s oldest profession! Yeah, yeah I know prostitution is “wrong”. But these ladies would be performing a service and helping people out. It’s really charity work when you think about it. I’d be doing my part to make our society a lil’happier. Is it so wrong to want our fellow man or woman to have a smile on their face?

So yeah – that’s how the job search has gone so far. I’m cool with the fact I’m not going to be making the amount of money I was pulling in before and I know it’s going to take time to find something. But it still sucks. It’s hard to be positive, but that’s all I can do right now. Don’t get me wrong, I have been snappy and there have been some people who’ve been on the wrong side of one of my melt downs and no, I’m not proud of it. But such is life. Yes, I’ve apologized – I’m not a complete ass.

If I didn’t, I’m sure you deserved to be yelled at. *tsk tsk* That’s not nice.

B-R-U-I-N-S Not U-S-A!

Ok. So I haven’t wirtten about hockey much this year. But I do have a request for the Bruins fans out there and hopefully you’ll humor me and take this request seriously.

I’m amped the Bruins are going to the Stanley Cup Finals, why wouldn’t I be? It’s a great thing for the team, the fans and for the city of Boston. Plus, why should they let the Red Sox get all the attention? Let those bitches work for it! Now I do have one request for the fans when going to the games in town and I’m sure there’s more than a few who will disagree with this request, but hear me out. The Boston Bruins have 3, yes, THREE(1-2-3) players on the roster from the United States. Can we PLEASE drop the ‘USA’ chant?

Do I get why y’all do it? Yeah. I mean, we ARE in the US and Tim Thomas is from the US and we don’t let the colors run and we killed Bin Laden. Yeah, yeah, I get it. I know you chant it to inspire the players or Thomas. But it’s not about one guy – it’s a team effort!

But there is just something about the chant during a normal hockey game that’s just so cringe worthy. It just screams ‘Douche Bag American’ and what aboot the players from different lands that bust their humps? Where’s there’s chant?(Since you’ll never be able to inspire Kaberle, can we all agree that he is the Eric Gagne of the Bruins?)

Oh and Vancouver has 6 American players. Two of them are Ryan Kesler & Andrew Alberts. Do you REALLY want to inspire them? I mean, Kesler is a beast and Alberts is…..ok….not so much Alberts. But you get what I’m trying to say, right?

Do you really want to inspire these douche nozzles?

With that said, if you’re looking to chant something at the game – here are some ideas for you:

Thomas is Good!
Go Whalers….Errr…Ummm…I mean, never mind!
Chara is Tall!
Make Daddy Proud, Greggy!

And my personal favorite:
Kesler is a Cunt!

So feel free to take the ball and run with it. Come up with your own chant to inspire the Black & Gold and who knows, maybe we can get together and sing it to the boys over & over & over again during a parade in Boston? It could happen……..right?

Godspeed!

Oh yeah…P.S. Can we PLEASE have Terry Francona, Doc Rivers & Bill Belichick speak to the lads & inspire them to win?

What About Me Screams ‘Piss On Me’?

I know this may sound shocking, but when I was fat – I was slutty. Crazy, I know. Not really and to be honest, I’d probably be up to the same shenanigans right now, if I didn’t have the rough summer.

ANYWAYS!

A friend from college shot me an email and I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to ask me for ‘help’. Her family & friends are insanely stuffy and we clicked because we’re opposites. But with that said, I probably should be offended by the fact that she thought of me when presented with this ummmm *opportunity*?

So Anne(names have been changed to protect the innocent) recently started seeing a new guy  and everything seems to be perfect. They’ve been living their ideal young republican life and they’re getting comfy with each other. They’ve been sleeping with each other and so far their sex life has been great.

Over the weekend, my friend and her boyfriend had that conversation that all couples have. “So what are you into?” At some point, we all need to let our guards down and tell our partners what we like and what we want them to do. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to sex – whether we like it or not.

My friend Anne told him what she liked and didn’t liked and luckily, he was down for fun. When it came for him to tell her what he liked, it didn’t go as planned. Anne has been lucky & the majority of the guys were into the same things she was – so it was perfect. But this guy is different. This new love of her life is into piss play.

Yes, occasionally – if the mood seems right. He likes to pee on his lady friend. Do you see why I’m wondering if I should be offended?

Now, I know what I’ve done in my sexual past and I know I’m slutty. But I’ve never once had a guy pee on me. So I’d like to know what is it about me that screams: “PLEASE PISS ON ME!!” I’m not going to lie, I’ve done a lot of stuff – how else are you suppose to find out what you like. But I can say I have no desire to be peed on or pee on someone. So I’m sorry to ruin whatever fantasy or thoughts you have about me.

But in her email, she asked what I would do if in her position. Once again, what about me screams piss on me. I mean, in college I was overweight, I drank a lot and I had low self-esteem. So I was a slut or a catch – depending on which camp you come from. I won’t go into graphic details into what I’ve done, because I would like to you all to be able to hold a conversation with me without having certain mental images burned into your brain. Suddenly I care about my reputation? Who knew that would happen? I’m getting soft in my old age.

So what the hell do you tell someone who’s debating about taking one for the team and becoming the latest victim of ‘yellow discipline’? I shouldn’t say victim, that’s not right. But it’s kinda hard not to judge someone when urine is the topic on the table.

I ended up telling my friend that if she did do it – do it in the shower, at least she’d be able to wash the badness away and take a ‘Crying Game’ shower afterwards. She kept asking me what I would do. I said I wouldn’t do it. Mainly because I’m a control freak and it’s piss! But I can’t tell her what to do. As easy as it is for us to go by what our friends or families say – sometimes taking the easy way out isn’t the best way to do things.

You have to be an adult and make these decisions on your own. And you end up not liking what you’ve done, oh well. You live, you learn. But don’t let the ass force you into anything and if you do it and end up liking it – you’re gross and we can’t be friends anymore. Sinner.

Look at it this way, it could be worse. At least he’s not asking to shit on you or asking you to go to a Black Eyed Peas concert. If that’s not grounds for a break up, then I don’t know what is.

A train-wreck down memory lane….

This broad still got off better than I did....

So since losing the weight, I’ve started to wonder who would be interested in my ass this time around and I kinda got my answer.

A few weeks back I was out & about with Mummy Dearest and end up running into someone I haven’t seen since I was 17. Patrick(names have been changed to protect the innocent) and I met when we went to summer camp together. We were always friendly and ran in the same circles together. We got close after I helped him make a break to the bathroom when someone decided to *ahem* pop up during swimming. Puberty is a bitch, but the great ‘Boner Bathroom Bolt’ will still live on in history.

After that we were basically attached to the hip. So much so that it carried over into the school year, we lived down the street from each other – we’d ride bikes to each other’s houses all the time and hang out. At that age, life is getting complicated – so it was nice to have someone you could go to and just breathe and not worry about the bullshit that came with that age.

We were close up until the summer I finally hooked up with the “love of my life”. I was 15, cut the bitch some slack. Listen I know I was a dolt, but it’s not like I was giving birth at the prom & ditching the baby in the garbage. After I brought shitbag into the picture, the relationship I had with Patrick took a turn. The next day when word got around, you would have thought I punched him in the cock and set fire to his baseball cards(he did have an epic collection back then).

Patrick would either be a complete asshole to me or just not even speak to me. I couldn’t understand why, I mean, he was dating or whatever you want to call it when you’re that age. I stood by him and listened to him bitch & moan about his girl problems. Yet when it was time for the kid(moi) to get some, Pat turn into PMSing Patsy. We completely stopped talking when I was 17. I just didn’t have the energy for the bullshit anymore and I was too busy trying to get into college/trying not to get pregnant(OW! *rubs knees*).

So cut to 10/11 years later and the new me is out in about. Guess who I run into? The fact he recognized me is still weird. But we hugged, talked and exchanged numbers. I didn’t think I was actually going to hear from him, so I was shocked when he did call me. We played catch up, I told him about the summer from hell and he told me about his summer from hell. When I was on death’s door – he was on divorce’s door.

He got married out of college to a girl he met at camp. *cringe* I never cared for her, but he use to follow her around like a puppy dog and they ended up getting married 2 weeks after graduating from college, had 2 kids and divorced all in 5 years. He was always a fast mover.

Pretty soon we were texting and talking all the time, we just picked up where we left off. We were 12 again. It was nice to have him back in my life. So cut to last week. I wasn’t feeling a 100%, so getting his text made me smile. He asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner and who am I to turn down a free meal?

The night started off great. We were having fun and then the shit hit the fan.

Towards the end of dinner, he looked at me and said, “You know, you broke my heart when you hooked up with “shitbag”.”

Me – “Oh….ok. Umm….sorry?”

What the fuck am I suppose to say to that? I was fucking 15! I didn’t know any better and once again, I was 15! Fine, if you’re pissed about that – then I get to be pissed for you stealing the shoebox I had filled with blue raspberry Blow Pops. Are we even now? Fucking sociopath.

Needless to say, he didn’t like my answer and the asshole came out again. After listening to him quietly ranting(God forbid he makes a scene in public – did I mention we were still at dinner?) at me for 20+ minutes – I called it a night. By called it a night, I excused myself to the bathroom and walked out the door. Thank God I have a friend that lived close by.

I haven’t spoken to him since that night. No loss really. I will say this, if this is a sign of what I have to look forward to when I really put myself out there and date, then I’m going to back to sleeping with emotionally unavailable/married men. Say what you will, but at least then I knew what I was getting myself into and I never got screamed at. Well, not by them. Now their wives and/or girlfriends, well – that’s a different story.

And they say romance is dead….

When Did We Get So Dumb?

I have a confession to make, I don’t want to get married or have kids. Shocking, isn’t? I’m a grown woman and I’m not driven by getting a piece of hardware on my finger. I’d like to think there’s more to life than getting married and becoming a baby factory – but maybe I’m wrong.

I recently had to cut ties with someone, not because we got into a huge fight or whatever. I just couldn’t deal with what she’s become. I don’t know what it is, but why do women turn into morons the minute a man is in their life? I can understand it happening when we’re 12 and it’s the first time we have feelings for someone – but Christ almighty, grow up.

Listen, I’m not saying relationships are bad & you shouldn’t be in one. I just think, if you lose who you are when you’re in one – what’s the point? I had another friend who use to see a guy and he would give her a big wod of cash after their weekend trysts. When I found this out, I was speechless. “Well, he’s helping me out and he knows I need the money.” Now I’m all for the legalization of prostitution – but I don’t think I could whore myself out. No matter how badly myself & my boyfriend needed the cash. Did I mention she was in a relationship – on top of the one she had with her sugar daddy?

Now I know there’s probably a few of you who are thinking, ‘Well, Cameron is just jealous!’ and no, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t want a vagina that’s like saloon doors in a old Western and after everything I’ve been thru, I’d like to think I know what’s really important in life. You tend to do a lot of thinking when they’re replacing one IV with another in the hospital.

Prior to all of the nonsense of this summer, I was quite happy with my life. OK, I was a fat pig – but I was seeing guys. I must have been doing something right? And by ‘right’ I mean I was a slut. How else was I going to get a second date? I made it work for me and I was happy.

Besides, a train-wreck of a human being, like me, should NEVER have kids. Are you kidding me? Do you really think someone like myself, should be shaping the minds of the youth? The little bastard’s first word would probably be ‘Cunt’ and would be thrown off the playground for threatening to set fire to the other children. Plus, I’ve worked really hard to be happy with my body & I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some creature ruin it for me.

If they liked us before, why do we have to change? It’s like those girls who date guys only to change everything about them? Why not find a guy who’s what you want? Why do you have to mold them into something else? One of my guy friends was turned into a preppy clone once. We still mock him on a regular basis about it. He changed every aspect of his life for this girl and considered leaving a job he was happy at/with – only because she wanted him to do something she approved of. After less than a year, they broke up and he refers to her as ‘the Godless whore’ & punches things.

I recently started talking to someone. He’s cool – but he has secret nice side and it weirds me out. The asshole that lives inside wants to call him a ‘homo’ and throw a snowball at him and kick him in the balls. I’m a keeper I know. But I’m not use to guys who are sensitive and have feelings. I’m use to guys who throw the word ‘Cunt’ around as much as I do & shows his affection by letting me pick the seat I want in the movies.

Maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I should live my life according to what Cosmo and the crazy old lady at Target says? Last week while shopping at the Bulls-Eye, an old woman threw a couple pairs of fancy panties at me and tried to remove the ones I picked out already and then told me, “You’re too pretty to wear those & no man is going to want to see them. You shouldn’t give up already.” Ummm I haven’t. But since my body is in no condition to be seen naked right now – I really don’t care what I wear under my clothes. Once I get the skin overall & a new set of boobs – game on. By the way, if anyone wants to make a tax deductible donation towards my new boobs – I have a sliding scale of what liberties you get with my boobs if you donate. It beats going on Stern and having lunchmeat thrown at me.

Lapdances & Lacrosse : How The Boston Blazers Fill The Seats

Now, I know the Boston Blazers are looking to fill the seats at the Garden. But, I don’t think some of the parents bringing their kids to the game expected to seeing girls grinding on the mascot. Finally, someone is taking the movie BASEketball seriously. MAKE IT RAIN, SCORCH!

Another view of the performance….

But who am I to judge? Somewhere, the plushie & furries community are holding their heads a lil’ higher.

"You can get this lap dance here for free....."

Thanks to @BFoley82 & @DJHustleSimmons of Jam’n 94.5 for these gems.

Oh and if you want to win 2k by giving a lapdance to Scorch? Hit up Hustle Simmons – he’s looking for more ladies.  Now would I do it? No, but that’s only because I heard you make more on ‘Money Shot Mondays’.  Even I have my standards.