It’s been a while since I’ve written, so why not take the time and torturing you with my mildly coherent ramblings.
So life is starting to get back to normal and the job search continues. I just have to keep reminding myself it takes time and Rome wasn’t built in a day. I hate sounding like some cliche slinging douche nozzle, but facts are facts and sometimes the truth hurts. I had a conversation with my Mom and I was laughing and crying like a crazy person. We were talking about the job search & she was attempting to talk me off the ledge. I naively thought when I lost weight – it would be easier to find a good job. I just didn’t expect the economy to be in the shitter and I didn’t also didn’t expect I’d be coming off a year of nonsense. *sigh* Such is life. What are you going to do?
I was talking to my favorite person from the West Coast last night and mentioned how I thought I changed so much this past year. I dunno, maybe when I lost weight, I lost a part of myself. I mean, I’m still an asshole. I still laugh at & make inappropriate jokes. But the stuff that was important to me before or stuff I liked before doesn’t seem to matter. She said as long as I wasn’t a Dane Cook fan or a Republican, she approved of the new and improved me. Don’t worry, lady. I won’t be teabaggin’ anytime soon and this is the comedy I prefer.
Even the selection of people I want in my life has changed. I love my friends and I would be lost without them. But there’s been a couple people who make me wonder – ‘Why was I friends with you in the first place?’. I second guess myself and wonder if I’m having a bad day when these thoughts roll into my head. But then I have a moment of clarity. Things change and people change. I’ve re-evaluated what’s important in the land of Frye.
But you know what? I’m happy. I can honestly say, I am happy. It’s weird, especially since my life has been a massive cluster fuck. But it’s also nice to say. Sure there’s little improvements I want to make(work, dating……I need this bag. It’s so mother fucking major.), but at the end of the day – I’m happy.
I had a friend mention how I seemed calmer than I was before. “You’re not the ticking time bomb you use to be. You don’t sweat the stupid shit as much.”
Well, I do. But I keep it hidden. I don’t know, there’s going to be people who don’t like me and shit is obviously not going to go as planned – but what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. Right? It fucking better or someone is getting cut.