What About Me Screams ‘Piss On Me’?

I know this may sound shocking, but when I was fat – I was slutty. Crazy, I know. Not really and to be honest, I’d probably be up to the same shenanigans right now, if I didn’t have the rough summer.


A friend from college shot me an email and I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to ask me for ‘help’. Her family & friends are insanely stuffy and we clicked because we’re opposites. But with that said, I probably should be offended by the fact that she thought of me when presented with this ummmm *opportunity*?

So Anne(names have been changed to protect the innocent) recently started seeing a new guy  and everything seems to be perfect. They’ve been living their ideal young republican life and they’re getting comfy with each other. They’ve been sleeping with each other and so far their sex life has been great.

Over the weekend, my friend and her boyfriend had that conversation that all couples have. “So what are you into?” At some point, we all need to let our guards down and tell our partners what we like and what we want them to do. Honesty is the best policy when it comes to sex – whether we like it or not.

My friend Anne told him what she liked and didn’t liked and luckily, he was down for fun. When it came for him to tell her what he liked, it didn’t go as planned. Anne has been lucky & the majority of the guys were into the same things she was – so it was perfect. But this guy is different. This new love of her life is into piss play.

Yes, occasionally – if the mood seems right. He likes to pee on his lady friend. Do you see why I’m wondering if I should be offended?

Now, I know what I’ve done in my sexual past and I know I’m slutty. But I’ve never once had a guy pee on me. So I’d like to know what is it about me that screams: “PLEASE PISS ON ME!!” I’m not going to lie, I’ve done a lot of stuff – how else are you suppose to find out what you like. But I can say I have no desire to be peed on or pee on someone. So I’m sorry to ruin whatever fantasy or thoughts you have about me.

But in her email, she asked what I would do if in her position. Once again, what about me screams piss on me. I mean, in college I was overweight, I drank a lot and I had low self-esteem. So I was a slut or a catch – depending on which camp you come from. I won’t go into graphic details into what I’ve done, because I would like to you all to be able to hold a conversation with me without having certain mental images burned into your brain. Suddenly I care about my reputation? Who knew that would happen? I’m getting soft in my old age.

So what the hell do you tell someone who’s debating about taking one for the team and becoming the latest victim of ‘yellow discipline’? I shouldn’t say victim, that’s not right. But it’s kinda hard not to judge someone when urine is the topic on the table.

I ended up telling my friend that if she did do it – do it in the shower, at least she’d be able to wash the badness away and take a ‘Crying Game’ shower afterwards. She kept asking me what I would do. I said I wouldn’t do it. Mainly because I’m a control freak and it’s piss! But I can’t tell her what to do. As easy as it is for us to go by what our friends or families say – sometimes taking the easy way out isn’t the best way to do things.

You have to be an adult and make these decisions on your own. And you end up not liking what you’ve done, oh well. You live, you learn. But don’t let the ass force you into anything and if you do it and end up liking it – you’re gross and we can’t be friends anymore. Sinner.

Look at it this way, it could be worse. At least he’s not asking to shit on you or asking you to go to a Black Eyed Peas concert. If that’s not grounds for a break up, then I don’t know what is.


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