When Did We Get So Dumb?

I have a confession to make, I don’t want to get married or have kids. Shocking, isn’t? I’m a grown woman and I’m not driven by getting a piece of hardware on my finger. I’d like to think there’s more to life than getting married and becoming a baby factory – but maybe I’m wrong.

I recently had to cut ties with someone, not because we got into a huge fight or whatever. I just couldn’t deal with what she’s become. I don’t know what it is, but why do women turn into morons the minute a man is in their life? I can understand it happening when we’re 12 and it’s the first time we have feelings for someone – but Christ almighty, grow up.

Listen, I’m not saying relationships are bad & you shouldn’t be in one. I just think, if you lose who you are when you’re in one – what’s the point? I had another friend who use to see a guy and he would give her a big wod of cash after their weekend trysts. When I found this out, I was speechless. “Well, he’s helping me out and he knows I need the money.” Now I’m all for the legalization of prostitution – but I don’t think I could whore myself out. No matter how badly myself & my boyfriend needed the cash. Did I mention she was in a relationship – on top of the one she had with her sugar daddy?

Now I know there’s probably a few of you who are thinking, ‘Well, Cameron is just jealous!’ and no, I’m not. Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t want a vagina that’s like saloon doors in a old Western and after everything I’ve been thru, I’d like to think I know what’s really important in life. You tend to do a lot of thinking when they’re replacing one IV with another in the hospital.

Prior to all of the nonsense of this summer, I was quite happy with my life. OK, I was a fat pig – but I was seeing guys. I must have been doing something right? And by ‘right’ I mean I was a slut. How else was I going to get a second date? I made it work for me and I was happy.

Besides, a train-wreck of a human being, like me, should NEVER have kids. Are you kidding me? Do you really think someone like myself, should be shaping the minds of the youth? The little bastard’s first word would probably be ‘Cunt’ and would be thrown off the playground for threatening to set fire to the other children. Plus, I’ve worked really hard to be happy with my body & I’ll be damned if I’m going to let some creature ruin it for me.

If they liked us before, why do we have to change? It’s like those girls who date guys only to change everything about them? Why not find a guy who’s what you want? Why do you have to mold them into something else? One of my guy friends was turned into a preppy clone once. We still mock him on a regular basis about it. He changed every aspect of his life for this girl and considered leaving a job he was happy at/with – only because she wanted him to do something she approved of. After less than a year, they broke up and he refers to her as ‘the Godless whore’ & punches things.

I recently started talking to someone. He’s cool – but he has secret nice side and it weirds me out. The asshole that lives inside wants to call him a ‘homo’ and throw a snowball at him and kick him in the balls. I’m a keeper I know. But I’m not use to guys who are sensitive and have feelings. I’m use to guys who throw the word ‘Cunt’ around as much as I do & shows his affection by letting me pick the seat I want in the movies.

Maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I should live my life according to what Cosmo and the crazy old lady at Target says? Last week while shopping at the Bulls-Eye, an old woman threw a couple pairs of fancy panties at me and tried to remove the ones I picked out already and then told me, “You’re too pretty to wear those & no man is going to want to see them. You shouldn’t give up already.” Ummm I haven’t. But since my body is in no condition to be seen naked right now – I really don’t care what I wear under my clothes. Once I get the skin overall & a new set of boobs – game on. By the way, if anyone wants to make a tax deductible donation towards my new boobs – I have a sliding scale of what liberties you get with my boobs if you donate. It beats going on Stern and having lunchmeat thrown at me.


3 thoughts on “When Did We Get So Dumb?

  1. tzopilotl February 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm Reply

    …men are like fish, cold, wet, bottom feeders, they have to be hauled out of their murk and into the light and onto whatever wharf they are
    lurking under, the spinner taken out of their mouths and flipped into
    the creel for the journey home and the hot oil and frying pan, don’t even bother to scale them, why give them the pleasure?
    if you have to bone them, give them a good whack on the head so
    they will be still and not flop all over you, then put them in your
    skillet, maybe wear glasses so you don’t get splattered with grease or have to look closely at what you’re doing, then if he’s
    not to your taste or that appetizing you can give him the glasses
    and tell him you’re lois and he didn’t exactly perform like superman,
    but you have fond memeorys of jimmy olsen.

  2. MagicMittens February 4, 2011 at 7:37 am Reply

    I felt the same way for the longest time too.
    It’s never good to lose who you are to be with someone.

    The moment I stopped ‘dating’ I actually got to meet someone who likes me for the way I am and I wouldn’t change a thing about him either.
    Ironic the moment you stop looking, you find something you’ve been looking for…

  3. Roland Martinez February 5, 2011 at 2:39 pm Reply

    Cool post! Magic Mittens, I think for most people “looking” means “not being realistic” and as soon as that’s over it’s easy to find someone.

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