Huffing Paint Makes Everything Better

Wow. It’s been awhile? Huh? If you haven’t figured it out I’ve been focusing all my energy on the new site(if you haven’t checked out Beantown Athletic Supporters – YOU SHOULD!). It’s growing like crazy, I’m working with some great ladies and we still have some kinks to work out, but I see nothing but good things in the end. 

I’m going to be using as more of a place to write about OT nonsense and my life. Which could be a good and a bad thing, especially considering the laundry list of over zealous readers I’ve had. But I’ve received enough emails from people asking me to come back – so no time like the present. So get use to reading the ramblings of a crazy lady. Wooo Hoo! Isn’t the internet fun? 

So what’s new? Well, I’m a ball of stress and writing here is exactly what the doctor ordered. For those of you not in the know, I’m going into hospital in April. Nothing too crazy, but it’s a private matter. Ok, you twisted my arm. I’m having Jenn Sterger’s recently removed implants put in. I’m ‘reinventing’ myself. Haha.*rolls eyes* Kidding, it’s nothing crazy, don’t worry. I’m just finally taking care of myself and I’ll be out in 4 days and on medical leave for three weeks. You know you’re jealous. 

The idea of being away from everything I know is so sublime, you have no idea. I’m not 100% happy…. scratch that I’m not 50% happy with my professional life – but in this economy, you have to take what you can get and make the best of a bad situation. I won’t go into the gory details, but they don’t make life easy and 4 out of the 5 days of the work week, I’m going home in tears. Kelly Cutrone would be so disappointed in me. 

The bottom line is, I have no one to blame – but myself for most of my stress. I let people walk all over me – because I don’t want conflict and I want to make sure everyone is happy. Which I’m sure you all think is weird, considering how I come off to most. I’m not dumb and I know the phrase cold and cunty have been used to describe me, but they’re called defense mechanisms, duh? haha It’s gotten to the point where I feel like people are taking advantage of me and my ever so pleasant demeanour and this is where I get into trouble. Crap like this turns me into a ticking time bomb – so consider yourself warned. Thank God I have some amazing people in my life who won’t judge me(well, not too much!) and will listen to me bitch & moan. 

So now what? All I can do is keep my eye on the prize and try not to go crazy. Easier said than done. These last few weeks, I’ve been carrying all my stress in my stomach and I fell asleep at 6:30 last night. I’m like an old person. I’m going to start having dinner at 4 in the afternoon – I already get up at the ass crack of dawn, so this was bound to happen. 

Is it wrong that I’m almost considering the recovery process a 3 week vacation? I have to be the only person who’s excited to be heavily medicated and loaded up on painkillers because it’s going to be a way for me to get away from it all. Christ, my eyes are welling up in tears as I type this. What’s wrong with me? haha Maybe I should take up paint huffing to make all the sadness go away? 

"I'm living in a world of darkness...."


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