Olympic Hockey Recap: The Nobody Cares About Jarome Iginla Edition

“You like me! You really like me!”

After days of sitting through filler, all eyes are on men’s hockey in Vancouver and no matter how hard NBC tried to keep their viewing audience from watching the games, the viewing audience lucked out and caught a glimpse of what they can hopefully expect during the medal rounds.

Team USA kicked off the day by taking on the delegation from Switzerland. The Swiss team was anchored by Anaheim (Mighty) Duck goalie, Jonas Hiller. Prior to the Olympic break, Hiller posted a record of 5-2  and was having a little more success than Team USA’s goalie, Ryan Miller. The Buffalo Sabre, had recently hit the skids and was struggling as of late. Miller had only one win the month of February. But much like the playoffs, the Olympics are an entirely different.

The US were the first to strike 18:59 into the first period. Robert Ryan, not to be confused with Bobby Ryan of the Anaheim (Mighty) Ducks, scored the unassisted goal on his NHL teammate. The  Cherry Hill Giant will be holding his head a little bit higher today.

Bobby Ryan told reporters after yesterday’s win, “Once I scored, I was able to settle down and come back into my own a little bit.” US General manager, Brian Burke understood her team would be nervous and they had every right to be. “This is the big stage. This is Broadway.”

St. Louis Blue David Backes, scored 6 mins into the 2nd and that was followed up by Tampa Bay’s Ryan Malone’s power play goal half way through the second period. By the end of the 2nd period, the US was ahead 3-1 and were up 22 shots to Switzerland’s 15 shots.

Now, I don’t want to say the US mailed it in and didn’t give their 100% during the 3rd period, but they only had 2 shots on goal. TWO – count’em 1-2 shots on goal. It’s bad enough the US Women’s hockey team did it against Russia, but you’re there to win and you want to be intimidating. Enough of this sportsmanship crap. Kick some ass and show these other countries they can’t mess with the stars & bars. The US takes on Norway next.

The US’s next opponent lost last night to Canada in a shut out. Hometown hero, Roberto Luongo, blocked all 15 shots on goal. But the real star of the night was Jarome Iginla. The man who according to Sean Avery nobody cared about because he was too boring, captivated the crowd the with his hat trick – one of which came on the power play.

Dany Heatley followed up Iginla’s performance with 2 goals, Philadelphia’s Mike Richards(who Doc referred to as Washington Capital, Mike Green – Ouch! Burn!) and Ryan Getzlaf & Corey Perry of the (Mighty) Ducks each scored one. Canada’s #1 son, Sidney Crosby, had three assists for the night. Unlike, the US – Canada didn’t lay down in the 3rd period and led with 42 shots on goal. Canada takes on Switzerland on Thursday.

Finally the Russian Federation or Russia as I like to call them, beat Latvia 8-2. Washington Capital, Alex Ovechkin and AK Bars Kazan(not to be confused with the cinematic gem, Kazaam) Danis Zaripov each scored 2 goals. Evgeni Malkin of the Pittsburg Penguins and Ilya Kovalchuck of the Atlanta Thrasers New Jersey Devils each scored a goal and recorded an assist.  Russia hits the ice next on Thursday and takes on Slovakia in a game we probably won’t be able to see because NBC are ass hats.

If you’re looking to fill your hockey fix today: Finland takes on Belarus, Sweden plays Germany and the Czech Republic takes on Slovakia.

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