How Child Abuse Made Me A Team Canada Fan

Now, I maybe born and raised in the US of A – but the majority of my mother’s family hails from the great white north. My Nana, Celeste, not to be confused with Mama Celeste and her delicious microwavable treats, was a product of Prince Edward Island. She loved where she was from and would tell me about her life growing up on the farm and her summers she spent on the beach.

Celeste was a classy lady(unlike me who’s a heathen) and enjoyed the finer things in life. She was the type who never let her hair get wet while swimming (besides the time I flipped her & inner tube over in the pool by accident) and was always impeccably dressed. Sporty she was not, but she loved watching them.

For whatever reason, she hated Roger Clemens with a passion(she must have been clairvoyant) – but loved the Sox, she blushed & turned into a school girl when she would talk about the time she met Red Auerbach and she would be sitting right next to me cheering on the Bruins when I was little. She loved sports and she especially loved the Olympics. Now granted, she had left Canada when she was 19 – but she still considered it home and was very proud to say she was from there.

She was so proud – that whenever the Olympics were on,  the two of us became Team Canada loudest cheerleaders. So how did Celeste get me to share her love for America’s hat? By beating it into me. See, Celeste used the fear technique to get me to support her native land. If either my grandfather or I showed the slightest bit of patriotism or support for the US during the Olympics or some international sports competition – 9 times out of 10, someone was going to get smack and let me tell you, homegirl had some power behind that punch.

So after a few shots to the head, I learned my lesson and  was all about the Maple Leaf. I know it’s weird to think that child abuse is the reason behind me throwing my support to Team Canada, but for me it makes sense and honestly? I’d feel guilty switching sides now.  Celeste was awesome and I wouldn’t be the broad that I am today if it wasn’t for her. I wouldn’t have a dent in my forehead either, if it wasn’t for her – but that’s not that point. The point is, is that I’m afraid I’m going to get clocked by a rogue shoe(thanks to her ghost) if ever start rooting for Team USA. Plus,  Phil Kessel is on Team USA and whenever I see him on tv – I have the urge to throw something at him.  BUT I’M NOT BITTER! It’s just another reason for me to root against the US.

So out of support of my Nana, I’m Team Canada this year. Even though their national cheer is LAME.

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