As a woman who horrible low self-esteem and a huge ass, I’d like to first say – I hate you. But since we got that out of the way, I get it. You’re hot. Hell, if I looked that good, I’d be prancing around in Rosa Cha bikinis 24/7. But alas, I was born with the body of a giant baby with boobs and I do the world a favor by wearing tents.
With that said, your outfit:
Erin Andrews
Who ever allowed you to wear those booties should be beaten with the sharp end of a stiletto. Actually, I’m going to guess you have a female stylist – no gay man would have ever allowed you to leave your house looking like that.
Not too mention your Herve Leger dress – it’s been done and to be honest, it’s been done better.
Roller Girl vs. That Bitch from Laguna Beach vs. The Whore from The Hills
Kristin Cavallari owned that dress, Heidi ‘Praise be to Jesus’ Montag was a close second and Heather Graham just looked sad and desperate in it. While on you, it just doesn’t looked like it fit right. Look at all of the extra fabric under your boobs – it should have been tailored to your measurements and instead, it’s sloppy. If my girl, WrapAroundCurl, and I had our way – there would only one woman to wear the bandage dress. That woman? Kim Kardashian. You need a body with curves to really work at dress and make it your own. See?
Kim K. Superstar!
That’s how you wear a bandage dress. So after careful consideration, Curl and I are going to give you a B for effort. Try some color next time! They’re your friend! Lose the booties and consult Victoria Beckham when it comes to fashion.
Love,
Cameron
According To Cameron Frye 
I feel like Regina George.